There's nothing worse than feeling like a situation is out of your control. The feeling of being trapped or taken advantage of is uncomfortable, and for some, triggering. Taking the time to focus on the things that are within your control can create a sense of empowerment and confidence. No matter the circumstances you are always in control of precisely four things.
What you SAY: Are you speaking with kindness? Are you being critical or judgemental?
What you THINK: Your thoughts influence you feelings, actions, and words, so it's important to think well. Are you being kind to yourself. Are you holding onto hurt? Are you inflaming an already difficult situation?
What you DO: Are your actions thoughtful and intentional? Are you considering the impact that your actions may have on the people around you?
How you FEEL: Unlike emotions, your feelings are able to be regulated. Your feelings are your responsibility. Someone else's actions may hurt your feelings, however you are responsible for what you do afterwards.
Change your focus from 'blame/fault' to 'accountability'. Your bubble contains your aspects of control (your thoughts, words, actions, and feelings); you are not in control of other people's aspects and they are not in control of yours.
To blame someone suggests that they had control over a response that you had. To take accountability is to own your aspects of control, communicate your thoughts to the people you interact with, and regulate yourself. When you accept accountability you also accept that regardless of external influences, you are ultimately responsible for what you do with the results of that influence.
If you can accept that a situation is inside your bubble of control, you acknowledge that you have the capacity to change it. If you believe that your reactions are the fault of another person, you no longer perceive it as being within your control, meaning that you don't have the ability to change it.
This leaves you feeling helpless and like you are at the mercy of the people around you, which can increase anxiety, stress, and depression.
-Be kind & stay well. Until next time, Amylia